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A smile
A laughter
A kiss
A hug
A touch
is all I want back.....

Off so back to the previous story .... as Lisa wanted to know!

So he came to my house, and I looked really bad. I mean eally sick! We talked he made me some tea at home, brought me some NYQUIL! What a sweetaheart. But didn't make anything out of it.
talked online after that nite... WE STARTED HANGING OUT AND SHIT. It was fun times

Making me laugh, giggle, be myself in less words. Sounds good so far eh?....NO
He just got divorced like maybe 5 months or so. So I knew he wasn't ready for a commited relationship. I was fine w/ that cus maybe in a future things might change. Well guess what. After have (sex) I was like ...WAIT!! is he dating anyone else? Cus I dont wanna catch any kinda stuff on my bush!! hahahahaha... so I asked my closest friends about what I should do. they said ask him. So I did.

He said he wasn't dating anyone, but he would let me know if he was. And I could decide whether or not I wanted to still date him if he was seeing another person! WTF MAN.... I dont play that game at all! I dont go running after another guy if I get bored. Like I felt soooo fucking shitty! We talked about it. And it seemed ok. But I knew there was something not right! I checked his blogs on (My "WHORE "Space)he tends to get flirty and tells all these girls to call him and they should hang out and all this yada yada. Well I am not ok w/ that. It freaks me out to know that I am fucking a guy who might not be dating just ONE person. So I decided to end this whole Shitty thing!

OHHHH OHHHHHH he e-mailed me something like this..... Ohhh I am starting to have feelings for u. But I think you have made the right decision about us. I was like OMFG.
How can anyone say that when
1. You are flirting w/ someone else
2. You are going and giving ur digits to other broads.
3. If you really wanted something, you go for it and try to stick w/ it!

But the matter was that I took a stand and I looked out formyself for once in life!I am happy that I got this out of my chest and got it over w/. I def dont want to waist my time w/ ppl who dont want to be w/ me in the 1st place.



TO BE CONTINUED!

Things happen for a reason and I do believe that catchy phrase. I took a stand for myself for ONCE in my life. I said this is what I want and if u don't like it ship out!

Well sad movie ending happened the other day at my house. We said goodbye in such manner that I felt like it was the end of a romantic movie. He displayed his "emotion" by hugging me and giving me a really nice kiss. saying my name 5 times
"Goodbye Carolina Calvo"
What am I supposed to get out of that?::: sighs::: I am happy that I took MYSELF in consideration 1st before I waited for him to say I am done w/you.

When it comes ot my feelings I do put up a wall , but it still starts to brake down when they know how to hit the right spot.
There are times where I have waited till he is the one ending everything. I am afraid of rejection, afraid that I will end up alone and lonely in this world. But do I ever think about myself at times NO! My life has been a roller-coaster. Since Adam I havn't recoverd. And maybe I will never . He left a mark that made me not trust the male species. Every time I start getting involved w/ someone I fuck it up. Cus I am the one showing emotion, I am the one , saying what is on my mind. Am I wrong for doing so?.....NO

I am a human begin that wants love, passion, fun, laughter, excitement, adventure, challenges. Some dont understand me , and they think I get attached soon. Maybe I do. But I am not afraid of showing who I am. And how I feel at times. There are times where I do put up that wall, when I know it's good to be true...... Then I fuck myself over, and it all ends.:(

Its' sad that how things ended on Monday w/ Grady. Yes I am sad. I lost a good friend, sex partner, and a lover. I was not worth for him to have me .I am worth A fucking lot!!! If that made sense! hahahaha.

All I am saying is that ppl should be givin chances. I do it all the time. I can judge someone else by what has happend to me in the past. Yes Adam Fucked me over BIG time. He got this girl prego, 5 months before we broke up. How sad! I recent that, it made me feel like I was just there for the support! I recent that he made me who I am ......I am cautious of those who get into my personal life, those who I see in a maybe future. But I am not afraid of expressing myself. Telling that other person how I feel how I think , what I want , and how I want it!
They get afraid of my honesty, and it's ok I guess...

Some things are not meant to be and will never be, better things and people will come my way. I look always forward for new and exciting people.......

Now I am just blabing along, I have so many emotions inside....But are they really meant to be expressed through a LJ?

CC

For the past month or so, there have been up's and downs... mostly downs. Met the most amazing, sincere, honest, kind, funny, dynamic, and fun person. Everything I ever wanted! There wher no flaws (yet) no untrust, and def no future attraction. Lemme explain what that is!...

I was doing it as for the moment thing.. ya know go out have fun. I actually met this kid when I was online once sick out of my ass. Caughing, sneezing, feeling yucky!. What he do .. he sent em a messege and said he would bring me TEA! I was shocked he even wanted to come over. But I just thought he was bored or needed to get out of his house, didn't make much of it.
I was scared, kind athinking , is he a serial killer, is he a murder. Like wtf man.... I am stupid at times, but nice.


To be continued...

I'm back for more CC fun in the snow ho sun!.......yes I am thinking of retiring from (My Space) and coming back to LJ!....

NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks
forward. Unique
and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking.
Fine and strong
clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in
personality. Secretive.
Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always
thinking. Less talkative but
amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and
hard-hearted. If there is
a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up.
Hardly becomes angry
unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks
differently from others.
Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not
appreciates praises.
High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and
emotions. Romantic.
Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking.
High abilities.
Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to
control emotions.
Unpredictable


What does your birth month say about you?
brought to you by Quizilla

WOW it's been so long since ive posted something..... well anything.......... I am now on My Space!! It's actually kinda kewwwwwwwl. More ppl I know are there from school.

What is new, I dont like to be online any more for chatting! I kinda got fed up with the fact that ppl who are chatters tend to be " fictional" just a Cyber Sperminator!.... HAHAH I love that word Thanks SHLAWN ::: kisses::::

Well Chris and I are no longer in a "relationship" He lied and what a lie he told me ..... Ive never heard anything so badly put together!! wanna hear?......... well Your ganna have to sit and read!!.......


His mom has cancer and all this jazz( has nothing to do with us).... so the red cross send for him to come back home from the militarty!.... he comes home doesn't tell me when and all this jazz(new word in my vocab) ANYWAYS....

4 days went on without me seeing him, he was in MA but he said he wanted to spend time with his mom and that is just fine.......I understand, BUT FUCKING CALL ME OR SOMETHING!!.......5th day came around he said he was ganna pick me up from work and well go to his place all this JADA JADA.... BLAH.......... NEVER FUCKING SHOWS UP!!!.......I get home he calls me like 30 min after I get home...

CHRIS:::::Baby I am on my way , Oh wait! there is a cop behind me and he is pulling me over. Ill call you back::::

He calls back 15 or so min later...

CHRIS::::: hey! he arrested me for DUI!!! (BS) I am ganna go to the PD and see what is ganna happen Illcall you back :::

ME::: OK!?!?!?!?:::::

I decided to be smart and call every PD in Bridgewater there is....... He was not regesterd AT ALL!!! &()*&&%#$@%&

I call him back and say....

ME::: Hey where are you my fam is ganan go pick you up and bail you out:::::<---lie on my behalf see what he would say

CHRIS::: Oh no dont worry about me, tell you family ill be ok and Ill just sleep the night here.!!! Call em and tell them that I will stay here. Ill call you tomorrow morning and stuff::::

ME::::"FURIOUS" I knew he was lying cus....:::

1. If arrested they wont let you answer ur "cell phone" 5 TIMES
2. I called every Bridgewater PD, and his name was not on file
3. No one wants to stay in jail, and I offerd to bailk him out and he REFUSED!!!!
4. I just knew he was up to something, cus I aint stupid
5. I know ppl who live in Bridgewater and go to Bridgewater State! and they say that he is BSing
6. NO EXCUSE

So I deciced to call him again and we got into an argument BAD.... I cant recall what I said but it was somthing like.

ME:::: I dont need this shit , bye bye bye:::::

Next day I call the 3 only PD in Bridgewater and what happened ..... they all said there was now CHRISTOPHER CHIARDELLO in custory!!..... how ever u spell it...

DO NOT BS SHIT ME OR LIE TO ME, I KNOW EVERY TRICK IN THE BOOK AND I HAVE WAYS OF FINDING OUT!!!

EVEN A FUCKING 3 Year-old could tell a better lie!!! for FUCK's sake....... gets me mad when ppl cant fucking say shot st8 to ur face!

Anyways..... that is my story and I am happy I found out what I did. Cus it made me think that ppl like him I should not deal with. Why? why so cold?.......Ive been stomped on so many times in my life, but not this time!

I am dissapointed that he was not what he told me to be and that he would come up with something like this .....The suppossly man I was going to have a future with!

Well think again Carolina........ Life gets better, and it already has been getting better.

Now I am sorrounded by good ppl, ppl who care and understand where I am comming from Thanxs to all of you who know who you guys are! BAXTER & MOLNAR.

He was't there when I needed to talk to someone or when I was sick, or even when I got home upset from work!
But that is ok, I accepted that. I accepeted that he could not be there all the time. But what is a call, it wont hurt anyone and I right?.....::: sighs::::

PPL ask me do you miss him........hmmmmmm In a way I do. But when someone fucks me over I will just turn cold and turn my back on the negativity!
I dont need it....... and he doesn't either

Chris if you ever get to read this someday down the road!....I am torn by what my expectations where! and you offered me pain insted of happiness. Couldn't you just be the man you said to be and tell me st8 up how it was. Insted of leaving me in LIMBO without closure I was here waiting for a response. PPL do move on and continue there lives. I wish you happyness and prosperity for you and your family.

I hope you mother doesn't think bad of me, cus that would be the last thing I would like her to think of me as a bad woman. I am sorry we didn't go where we wanted too.........Life is what you make out of it!

I am so sorry to leave you in this time of need, but you never made me part of what was going on, I felt left out and yeah I did feel that another person " who ever that might be" was filling that void of the emotinal part. But hey ..... It gives me a heads up on a future relationsship.Sorry I coun;t be that person you wanted me to be.

I say no more but goodbye and if you need to ever talk to anyone .... without a doubt I am here .......... you know the digits!



Till some other day ppl, that is my story.

~CC~

I wish I could see my future, so I wont crew my present!

I hate making things so difficult , but I also hate ppl telling me what to do in my life. Some ppl think I am a raging alcoholic, but i'm not .......... I can hold my alcohol!

And just cus I drank for 2 weeks straight doesn't make me a raging alcoholic!, I just am invited to so many parties. Chris thinks I am over doing it on the alcohol. I think not! I hate ppl telling me not to do something..... then it makes me want to do it more. I havn't had a drink since he told me to stop.

Am I stupid for doing what he told me ?
Is he worried about me?
Why cant ppl let me do what ive been doing all my life.
I hate it when I cant see his face
I hate when I cant hear his voce
I hate when we get into arrguments
I hate how we are not together
I hate feeling the way i do
I hate thinking of him hurting me
I hate myself for thinking this way

He makes me happy, calls me everyday since he left and like 4 or 5 times a day........Is it cus he misses me so much?, or he did somthing wrong?.......what every the motive may be I am glad that he does what he does:)

I am so glad that ive meet my dream boy, he is just everything I wanted, personality, romantic, loveble, understanding :::::sighs:::: just himself. That is what I love about him.

I dont care what he looks like, I dont care if he's fat, chubby, ugly, preppy, punk, ska, etc...... I love him for who he is. Not like he is all these things, cus in my eyes he is perfect and that is all that counts. I miss him so much , he is my soul mate

I lube you buhba
xoxoxoxoxo
Ahem ........I mean Love

I woke up tired and headed off to the gym. As I was doing my personal training with "Sergio" lol, what a name! Anyways...I was mad lifting weights and shit , all the guys there where staring at how much I could lift:)). It was pretty neat seeing all these ppl looking at me! It felt great to be the center of attention.
My trainor "Sergio" is to funny, he makes me do all these weird excersises and gives me challenges on lifting weights so he can show me off to the other trainors and tranies!..LOL it's to funny seeing these girls, trying to do the same shit as I do. They start off doing like 20 lbs for the legs and hips, and "Sergio" says , we can do better! All of sudden he gives me 250 lbs to lift! And the worst part is that I do it!LOL.......We are the dream team @ Ballys!

After the gym I felt sick, and still feel. I feel like puking, I dunno why, maybe it's all the fucking alcohol ive been drinking for the past week!.... Yes call us LUSHES @ Betty's. You know I like the crew that is working now. There good ppl and now we have come to a point where we all are more calm.!

Ok i am Gagging... not because I have a cock in my mouth. But I dunno, my mom said I was prego:))....LMFAO......::::Sk8 Face:::.......Ok puke now!


~CC~

Ok first time I lose my cell phone, I am so pissed off right now! My cell phone and I are like 1 we never go out with out eachother!......Now i have to go and buy another phone!. I hate you who ever stole my presious!!!

oh well......but the good thing is that I get to go shopping for a new phone:)

I went insane late nite, and no hungover!!!!......WTF:))
I was in class and Adam came up to me and asked me if I wanted to go to his house and ya know have some drinks!, I taught it was just ganna be a quit nite and shit with the kid. All of a sudden we started to invite a couple of others and all of a sudden it became a HUGE party!.
I mean it got out of control, we drank like fishes,and brake danced, well i tried!. I wanted to be michelle like at Jens barfday!
It was so funny when Will and I decided to play who jumps from the couch onto another couch faster!... After 3 times I fell and I dragged Will with me fell on top of me and almost made me puke. He is so much fun and entertainment.

Adam ur the man!, you know how to throw partys "UNEXPECTED" We hang out alot when we can, he is good ppl. We have like 3 classes together. And we go out and party, and boooze.
After class we came to my house to get ready for the party, and I forgot it was my Uncles barfday, so we had a couple of drinks of sparkling wine and cake. yummy cake......
Then we headed off.

ADAM YOU ROCK!

So I am so silly and I went to the Psychic LMFAO!!! she made me cry and shit it was so bad!, she seriously told me shit i didn't wanna hear. But I will live long!........

She told me that I will be succesful and powerfull, my name will be known around by all. I was like am I ganan be a prostitute:)).... But she told me other things that really concerned me alot!!!.... Love , Health and stuff....I cant say.

Should I believe thsi shit or have I waisted my money on trash?

I didn't mean "style" I ment emotional.....get it right

Once again I am drunk and confused on my realtionship with the boy!........... ::: sighs::: TO BE OR NOT TO BE?.......................................................................Well someone tell me cus i sur edont hav an idea!

I finally met Michelles BF he is so nice to her and EMO!......I wanna have that:(

Ok i didn't want that last LV entry to come out that way, but i was stressed and upset........ Came out the wrong way. Sorry Jen if I made it seem harsh, but it was an emotion that wasn't taught. I know I can be a jackass most of the time. I'm sorry if I offended you in any kinda way .

Now that things are more calmed for me, I dont think that things where what I saw them the other day!

CC

I dont understand why, ppl have to be ASSHOLES because you r doing your job. Yesturday was the most upset as I have ever been!
I know I did the right thing, by saying what I said to my boss. IT"S CALLED DOING YOUR JOB!.
And ppl have to make supit comments and faces about what happened to Rafa. Hey he is the stupid one for giving free beer to ppl!
It's not even his, so fuck you all who talk behind my back. I aint going to quit, I aint going to let you all get under my skin, and I am not going to stop begin who I am. I am going to do my job and take care of what ive known and like for 5 years.

To those who take this personal, well only one thing I have to say is Do your job right.
JR trust me so much about what goes on the restaurant I have been there thick and thin. He is good to me, we help each other out. I have the best relationship with him! I LOVE MY BOSS!

~I never knew that by doing myjob i was ganna get bad feedback~........

Well FUCK OFF to all who talk behind my back, I can care less.

Love always
CC

Excitement!
Sexuality!
Freedom!
Happiness!
Believe!
Communication!
Trust!
Love!
Companionship!
Complete!...


In less words this is what my boy makes me feel like!........I love you my buhba!

~MUAH~